How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

It’s all about timing.

Ideally, you’ll want to tell your spouse you’re considering divorce as soon as you realize you want to end your marriage. Saying it when you’re calm and have time to talk about it together, such as at the beginning of the weekend, is a good idea. You already know when your spouse is open to hearing bad news; take that into account. When it comes to finding the right words to say, it’s much more powerful to state your feelings about the relationship clearly, honestly and as kindly as possible, than calling your spouse on all the things you think he or she has done wrong in the marriage. Saying, “I feel sad that we don’t spend time together anymore and that we’ve grown apart,” is easier to hear than a blaming, shaming, “You never do things with me anymore, and it’s your fault that I feel lonely.”

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